


Let's Be Bad Together

by pinklights



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Hydra (Marvel), Light Angst, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Brainwashing, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Red Room (Marvel), Slow Burn, Smut, Trauma, mcu canon compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2020-04-24 11:31:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19172404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinklights/pseuds/pinklights
Summary: To say that she had a score to settle would be an understatement. Natasha Romanoff was SHIELD's best agent, she was the Black Widow, nothing got past her. Nothing except for two bullets straight through her body, apparently. Twice. And she didn't believe in two coincidences.But she tried to be sympathetic with Steve, and she understood what the Winter Soldier was all about. Really. She'd been in the place where he was, except she had Clint and Fury when she was trying to undo what the Red Room had done. The Winter Soldier had no one.- - -What if Natasha never knew The Winter Soldier in the Red Room? What if their present is all they have?- - -Set after TWS and AoU, pre-Civil War.





	1. Chapter 1

To say that she had a score to settle would be an understatement. Natasha Romanoff was SHIELD's best agent, she was the Black Widow, nothing got past her. Nothing except for two bullets straight through her body, apparently. Twice. And she didn't believe in two coincidences.

But she tried to be sympathetic with Steve, and she understood what the Winter Soldier was all about. Really. She'd been in the place where he was, except she had Clint and Fury when she was trying to undo what the Red Room had done. The Winter Soldier had no one.

As an odd twist of fate, Natasha was the one who found him (of course). She'd been in Ukraine to cut off a Hydra head when an informant of hers told her about a man who'd just moved into a sketchy neighborhood in Bucharest. Spoke the language well enough to get by, talked to absolutely no one in a friendly way. Wore a glove on his left hand.

There he was picking out plums when she placed herself beside him, picking out her peaches. It took him a second to realize it was her and he stiffened, putting the plums back as if they were made of glass.

 _"What do you want?"_ He muttered in Russian. Interesting. Natasha deduced it to the fact that he probably read her file, knew who she was - knew they came from the same hell.

 _"Steve's been looking for you,"_ She returned.

Natasha could see the gears turning in his head as he considered his options, his jaw was locked tight, his muscle thrumming there. _"Tell him not to look for me."_

Bucky started walking away, leaving behind his perfectly good plums, but he wasn't running which was good. Natasha prepared for at least a sprint but walking was preferred. She followed him, he knew she would.

 _"That's a bit dramatic, don't you think? He wants to help you."_ She walked a step behind him, far enough that she could get out of the way if he reached for her but close enough for him to hear her talk.

_"I don't need his help."_

Natasha rolled her eyes. " _Sure you don't. That's why you're living in a building that's about to be demolished and you're wearing mismatched socks you stole from some poor middle aged man."_

He whipped around to face her, his face tense but his eyes surprisingly mellow. Natasha was ready for an assault, but he kept his fists by his sides. _"Look, Romanoff, judging by the looks of it, you're here alone. You're not going to be able to take me by force."_

_"I wasn't planning on it."_

Bucky continued to walk, to _where_ she didn't know and she really didn't have time to find out. Either he came with her or she just had to make do with taking down a grown man in the middle of all of these people.

"Listen, _Barnes._ You've read my file, know where I've been, what I was--" She switched to English naturally, trying to coax him into speaking in his own language.

"We're different." It worked.

"Are we? Soviet training. Brainwashing. Programming. I didn't get the fridge but I got something else and trust me, it isn't as cushy as a glass coffin."

"Cushy." He scoffed. She knew it wasn't the right word to use but it pushed his buttons nonetheless. They were well out of the square now, not that many people around them to witness her trying to put him down.

"Where are you planning on going? You can't live like this forever." He wasn't listening, determined to ignore her for however long she was planning on following him. "Do you even remember who Steve is?"

Bucky stopped on his tracks so abruptly that she almost ran into him. He turned slowly again, sighing. "He's a punk, that's who he is."

Good, he was getting tired of trying to run. "Come back with me."

"Why are you doing this?"

"You're not Steve's only friend, Barnes."

He considered this, again weighing out his options. He knew that she wasn't going to back down, that she could try and take him down and he wouldn't fight back as much as he should. Natasha counted on the fact that as hard as the Winter Soldier was, Bucky Barnes was the opposite.

 

* * *

 

Captain America was a beloved figure and when a beloved figure needed assistance, he usually got it. SHIELD wasn't as big as it used to, but it's been picking up the pieces of what Hydra had destroyed and they still had more resources than any one person had. But Natasha didn't trust them, not like Steve did, and he didn't trust them a lot either.

That's why Barnes was sitting still in the lounge at the Avengers facility in upstate New York instead of at a SHIELD base. She didn't trust him with them.

He'd been quiet on the way. Natasha tried to make small talk, ask him about which of his memories he remembered, but his answers were clipped. He didn't want to talk, at least not to her. She respected that.

"Well, it looks like we do have a spare room," Natasha announced after getting back from checking and also warning everyone else in the facility that he was there. They weren't too sure about this move, but Wanda had been empathetic about it. She's grown to quite like Steve and if Bucky Barnes was his friend then he was hers too. Kind of.

Bucky didn't say anything, only nodded. He looked so out of place.

"I'm still pissed about Odessa, by the way. Left a pretty nasty scar." Now that they were in her territory, she was allowed to joke. Besides, she really was.

"Sorry." His voice was small, he had his hands on his lap like a good soldier. It was almost painful to watch.

"It's not your fault. It did hurt like a bitch though."

"Sorry."

"Stop that. You need to separate yourself from that." It was easier said than done, she knew this, but he had to.

Compared to how she was when Clint first brought her in, he was a lot more calm. She'd been trouble when she first came in. She talked to no one and fed them lies. 

"Your room is on the second floor up the stairs in the hall to the right. It's the only open door there so I'm sure you'll figure it out. Take a shower or something. Make yourself at home. Don't scare the kids but I'm sure Wanda can handle you if she really tried."

He needed to feel like he wasn't there as some sort of prisoner. Being able to roam the halls of the facility by himself was a sort of freedom Natasha knew he wasn't used to having. She ducked out and went to the kitchen to grab some food and the tablet that was streaming the security cameras. They still had to be cautious, after all. God knew how a scrambled mind could glitch at any time.

It took him a while to get off of the couch and then make his way to the hallway. His eyes wandered, taking everything in, finding exits. Thankfully, exits were labeled properly as per government requirements. He wasn't going to feel trapped there.

He made her way up the stairs and down the hall to his right, passed through three closed doors before he finally found one that was left open. Barnes looked directly at the camera she'd been watching him through before slipping in and shutting the door behind him. He didn't trust her, not as much as he was letting on which was already not a lot. That was fair. Steve didn't trust her much until recently, too.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Natasha was awakened by the sound of someone screaming down the hall. It took her a beat before she was on her feet, pulling out the gun she'd hidden under her bed and grabbing her bites from her bedside table. In the hallway were Wanda and Vision looking as confused as she was. It was only when they looked into the open door beside hers that she realized where the screaming was coming from.

The sound of furniture rustling followed this time and then Steve's voice trying so hard to talk to the man who was living in one of his dreams. Natasha peeked into the room and the sight before her was... well, it was a mess. Steve Rogers was pinned against the wall, dangling on his tiptoes, by the Winter Soldier. It was his metal arm doing the work, his eyes wild but distant.

"Bucky," Steve tried to say but he was barely able to breathe.

"Barnes," Natasha said, approaching with caution. "Barnes, let go. Steve's your friend." He didn't respond, it was like he wasn't recognizing his name.

 _"Soldat,"_ she yelled. That seemed to get his attention. His grip on Steve's throat loosened as he faced her. She was about to say more before he was screaming in her direction, tackling her to the floor in the hallway. His metal fist collided with the floor beside her head and that's when she's had enough.

Natasha used her bites to electrocute him which effectively weakened him enough that she was able to change their positions and roll on top of him. Steve was right behind her, trying to recover from almost dying.

"Nat--"

"Barnes, wake up!" She put both of her hands on the Winter Soldier's face, trying to make him focus on her. "Wake up. You're dreaming."

Bucky's eyes were still trying to focus, his arms flailing around them until his hands went to the sides of his head, their hands overlapping.

"Wake up."

"Natasha, should I--" She heard Wanda say. Natasha didn't listen. She didn't want to hurt the man who was trapped in his own mind.

Slowly, his eyes readjusted to the light, wandering to Wanda and Vision beside them before focusing on hers. His jaw was locked again, tears daring to escape from his eyes.

"It's me, Natasha. You're in the Avengers facility. I brought you here. You were just dreaming."

"Natasha," he whispered. He still looked so confused. "Avengers... _Steve?_ "

"He's right here. Are you okay?"

"I'm--" He looked around her where Steve was now standing and brought his hands to cover hers, peeling them off his face.

Natasha took it as a cue that he was okay and slowly stood up from where she sat on his chest. She picked up her gun cautiously and tucked it into her pajama shorts. She gestured for the two bystanders to get back into their rooms, which they immediately followed, leaving only the three of them in the hallway.

Steve offered a hand to help Bucky up but he refused it and got up by himself. It came off as cold to the super soldier but Natasha recognized the stubborn determination in him as he rose. Maybe they really were made of the same stuff.

"Buck, are you okay?"

Bucky couldn't even look at Steve, his hands forming fists at his sides. "I'm-- I need to get some air."

He headed for the stairs and Steve was about run after him when Natasha held him back. "Don't." She took note on the hand mark around his neck. It was already healing.

"Nat, if he runs away again--"

"You need to trust him a bit. It's what he needs," Natasha let him go then, stepping away and looking in the direction Barnes went.

"How do you know?"

"I just do."

Steve left it at that and sighed before he stalked back into his room. He wasn't going to sleep any time soon but she knew he was going to trust her despite not trusting Bucky as much. Their relationship had developed this level of trust. It took years but what was important was that they arrived.

But unlike Steve with her, Natasha didn't quite trust Bucky as much as she wanted to. He was erratic and unpredictable. Even barefoot, he was perfectly capable of disappearing and never returning, so after a good hour, she went looking for him under the guise of going for a run. It was almost five a.m. and the sun wasn't up yet but she eventually found Barnes lying down on the far side of the field with his arms over his eyes.

"Hey," she announced herself as she approached but she knew that he already sensed her coming. He did nothing to move. "I told you not to scare the kids."

"Is Steve okay?"

"He was snoring when I left for my run." A lie. Steve was tossing and turning in his bed. She listened from the hallway just to be sure he wasn't planning on doing the same thing she was.

Bucky seemed to believe her, taking his arms off his face to look at her. "Did I do anything to _you?_ "

"No, but there's a crack in the hallway where your fist landed. I don't think Tony would appreciate it."

She sat beside him when he grew silent again. There was a lot that he needed to talk about, she knew that much. But he didn't have SHIELD psychoanalysts at his disposal like she did, and even then she didn't give them anything substantial. The only person she talked with confidence to an extent was Clint, however, she still kept him in the dark about a lot of things about herself.

"I woke up and thought I was at a Hydra base. That's where I usually woke up."

"I figured as much."

Another silence. The sky was turning a lighter shade of blue when he sat up, his elbows resting on his knees. He looked at her for a while, trying to figure out what to say. Natasha let him look, didn't dare look back in case he withdrew.

"When did you stop having to shake them from your head?"

"I don't know." She looked at him then. "Took me a while to figure out what was real and what wasn't. The dreams come up every once in a while."

Bucky nodded, hanging his head. "The thing is, I know all of my memories are _real._ There are records..."

"But that's _not_  you." She felt a familiar sense of guilt, she still carried it with her, kept her motivated to fight for the right side. Her road to atonement was a long one, but perhaps his much more so. She's read his files too, after all. She knew what he's done--who he's killed.

"But it was, wasn't it? I killed all of those people," he started at his hands, turning them in front of him as if he could still see blood on them. That was familiar too.

"I told you to stop that talk. What they made you to be isn't who you are."

Bucky looked back at her then and she could see the tiredness in his eyes now that it was lighter out. "You expect me to believe that when _you_ don't, yourself?"

Natasha scoffed. She wasn't expecting that at all from him. "You don't know me."

" _Don't I?_ You're the one who pointed out how we're made from the same stuff." He was changing the topic smoothly but Natasha wasn't having it. She stood up and let him win this round only to not let him ruin the rest of her day. He already took her precious sleep from her.

"You're free to join us for breakfast if you're done brooding." Natasha walked away because a bigger person would. She didn't like talking about herself or her past - _especially_ her past. The things she had to endure in the Red Room were hers to keep. As similar as they were, he was right, they were still different. Bucky Barnes had a whole life before he turned into the Winter Soldier. Natasha only ever knew the Red Room. Her life before that was just stacks of out of focus photographs.


	3. Chapter 3

Sam was over that day because Steve needed his help with the whole 'my best friend tried to kill me in his sleep' situation, which was understandable. If anyone knew how to convince anyone of talking about their deepest darkest struggles it was Sam, right? He came under the guise of running over mission files with Natasha and Steve and just so happened to stay over for dinner. So there he was sitting across Barnes and beside Steve, telling them about the girl at the VA he found cute.

Natasha sat at the end of the table, watching as everyone attempted to get Barnes to open up discreetly. But it wasn't so discreet. Wanda gave her a look from the other side of the table and she smiled at her. They both knew this wasn't going to go anywhere.

"She was telling me about this dream she had," Sam was saying, still going on about that cute girl at the VA office. "Apparently recurring, something about drowning? When she asked her dad, turns out when she was seven she almost drowned. She couldn't remember it at all."

"That sounds interesting," Steve was trying so hard Natasha had to stop herself from laughing every time he interjected with a snazzy new comment.

"She never learned how to swim because she didn't trust the water and now she knew why. When I saw her again she had just come back from a cruise with her dad. A huge step."

" _Huge,_ " Steve said before taking a large bite of the mashed potatoes. "Right, Buck?"

Barnes only nodded. He'd been listening intently all this time but never spoke. He was still trying to assess if Sam was someone he could trust, Natasha could tell by the way he'd listen to how he paused between sentences, observing his body language.

"That's why talking about things that bother us helps a lot. We all have ghosts that haunt us, you know? If we keep it all inside we might not know why we're scared of certain things."

Natasha shook her head quietly and ate dinner in silence. She wasn't going to get involved in whatever it was the two of them were doing. She and Barnes were on okay terms all things considering. They just haven't spoken much since that morning when he started asking her questions about her past.

Sam continued with his stories, trying to coax Barnes into talking but he was giving them the silent treatment. It was ridiculous that they would even try this with him. He had his walls up, guarded even when he would talk to Steve. All he was comfortable talking about was their past together in Brooklyn when they were kids but when Steve started veering the conversation towards the time after that, he'd shut down.

"You should drop by the VA sometimes. It could be good for you," Sam said straight nearing the end of dinner.

Barnes only nodded again. Natasha was surprised he was even playing along, but she bet it was for Steve's sake more than anything.

Dinner came and went without any progress on Sam and Steve's Bucky mission. Barnes finished dinner first and excused himself, much to Steve's dismay while Sam admitted defeat over a couple of beers. Barnes was an impenetrable force.

"Like this one," Sam tossed his head a bit in Natasha's direction as she lounged on the couch, busying herself on a tablet as she read through files Hill sent.

" _Not_ like this one. We're different people." She said without looking up. Ever since that talk with Barnes about being the same, she'd been avoiding the subject. They weren't the same. The only reason she brought that up was to convince him to come with her but now it was a whole thing apparently.

"How did Fury ever manage to get you to open up?"

"Who says I opened up?"

"Come on, Nat," Steve was the one to speak now, a beer bottle in his hand, although they both knew it did nothing for him.

"Listen, I wasn't zapped in the brain to forget memories like he was." A lie, but she didn't need to share that her brain was tinkered with in a different way. "I didn't shape history like he did. Assassinated _zero_ presidents. We're different."

"Should I see a specialist about him? Maybe Hill has contacts."

"He's supposed to be missing, remember? It's a miracle no one else knows he's here."

"Dude, I think you just have to stop treating him like a porcelain doll, you know?" Sam had a point, it's what she's been telling the star-spangled man all this time. "He might be all broody and shit but you can't make him think that's all he is."

Steve nodded at that, taking a sip of his drink. He looked pensive but she knew that there was a lot going on behind those blue eyes. He was still assessing the situation but what he didn't understand was that the situation didn't want to be assessed. He's been staying with them for, what? A week and a half now? That's a short time compared to how long Bucky Barnes was running around as the Winter Soldier. He needed time.

"No new hits on Rumlow himself but his buddies have been busy in northern Africa." Natasha rose from the couch and handed Sam the tablet she's been reading files with.

"This should be easy." Sam surveyed the files, zooming into a map on the screen. If it was easy, it meant that she didn't need to tag along this time.

"I'm going to get some shut eye. You two should rest up too if you're chasing that trail."

Steve came up beside Sam and peeked at the reports too. "We'll look into this first. Thanks Nat."

Natasha gave the boys a smile before making her exit and reaching into her pocket for her phone. Hill constantly sent her photos of cats she'd see randomly on the street when she was bored. She was convinced Natasha needed a pet for some reason. The redhead almost dropped the device when she saw Barnes against the wall when she turned towards the direction of the stairs.

Her eyes darted between him and the entrance of the lounge area where Steve and Sam were. Barnes shook his head slowly and turned to make his way up, Natasha following him cautiously.

"You're a good liar," he said once they were out of earshot.

"The best in the business," Natasha grinned. Even SHIELD's lie detectors couldn't catch her lies. It was something she was lowkey proud of. "Listen, you gotta give Steve something or else he'll break."

"He wouldn't understand."

"But at least he'll _know._ And besides, if you keep everything in your head, it'll just keep coming back for you."

"Speaking from experience?" He cracked the smallest of smirks, looking back at her finally.

She shrugged, the smile on her face mirroring his. "Maybe."

Barnes stopped in front of his door, watching her closely as she made her way to her own door. "So, do you take your own advice or just prescribe it?"

Natasha snorted, unlocking her door. "No one takes their own advice, Barnes." She opened the door and looked back at him, still curious about him.

"That's true."

They lingered in front of their doors for a bit, both trying to figure out what to do next. Natasha really did want to help him recover from the things Hydra's done to him. As much as she disliked how he'd fight back with questions about her own life, she found it amusing that his line of defense was to deflect like that. He cleared his throat and was about to open his own door when Natasha spoke again, the question coming out sounding ridiculous. "Do you want a haircut?"

Barnes frowned, confused. She could tell that he was trying to analyze the question, trying to figure out what she was playing at. "A trim, at least? Unless you're going for that Jesus look intentionally."

He slowly took his hand off of his door handle and turned to her. "It's been annoying the shit out of me."

Natasha smiled and lead him inside her room. He followed cautiously, eyes taking in details. She closed the door behind them and observed her room the same way he was. Unlike Wanda's room that she was always busy working on, there was not a lot in Natasha's room. There was a bed with white sheets, a wall with a built-in closet, a desk for work, and the door to their left leading to the bathroom.

She did have a few personal items scattered around, but they were barely noticeable. She had make-up on her desk and the arrow necklace Clint gave her. She had a couple of guns stashed around the room, which was expected, and she had a vanilla scented candle on her bedside table. It helped her sleep.

Natasha set up the bathroom for Barnes quickly while he just kind of stood there and watched, still unsure if it was a good idea to trust her with this. "Sit down."

He did as he was told and sat in the chair, his knees knocking against the storage cabinets because his legs were too long. The bathroom wasn't very big and she wasn't going to cut his hair on the carpeted surface of her room.

She draped the biggest towel she could find on his shoulders and started working on his hair, combing it out a bit and measuring the length before taking a few snips. The tension on his shoulders was evident and Natasha was convinced he wasn't breathing at all. "You need to relax, Barnes."

"It's hard when you keep pulling on my hair the way you do."

She pushed on his head a bit, trying to make him look down. Natasha assumed he'd been the one cutting his hair all this time. It wasn't like Hydra had a grooming budget. "I'm trying to fix this hack job."

"You holding scissors so close to my neck isn't helping either."

"Well, it's either me or some random barber. You choose."

"I don't know. The barber wouldn't know how to slit a throat clean."

"God, I'm _not_ going to kill you, Barnes."

He tilted his head back up and kept his eyes on her on the mirror. Meanwhile, she continued concentrating on cutting his hair like he wasn't the fucking Winter Soldier. She wasn't even taking that much off yet, just reshaping it if anything. As the minutes ticked, his shoulders started to drop, his defense levels lowered.

Natasha moved from behind him to his side, taking off some of the length in the front. He refused to close his eyes even when some of the hair started falling into them. He was the most stubborn asshole she's ever met. "Close your eyes. Trust me a little."

He took a deep breath and did as he was told, still a good soldier. She let her eyes rest on his face then, noticed how tightly his lips were pressed together and how he was trying to control his breathing. Natasha decided to talk so that he would actually calm down. She was afraid that if she poked him, he'd freak out. "I learned how to cut my own hair when I was fourteen. A girl at the academy got pissed that she wasn't landing her punches and started hacking at my hair during a break."

"The academy?"

"The Red Room. Heard of it?" She quirked an eyebrow, brushing his hair back with her fingers and looking at her work in the mirror. She decided to take off a bit more.

"I think I've read about it. What happened to the girl?"

Natasha took a breath, slowing down a bit as she went to his other side, cutting some there to make it even. "Our teachers said that we had to fight fair so they gave me a pair of scissors too and told us to go at it."

"And then?"

Her voice was low when she spoke again, hands softer when she ran her fingers through his hair again. "My hair wasn't the only red in the snow that day."

Barnes opened his eyes looked up at her. She wished he didn't see how tangled her insides were but she knew he could. "Do your friends know about this story?"

Her eyes met his for a split second and then she was moving again to stand behind him, his gaze followed her in the mirror. "I think that's better." Natasha moved on, looking at his reflection.

She took the towel off of his shoulders and dusted off some of the hair that caught onto his clothes with it. He ran his hand through his hair and stood to further examine himself. Maybe it wasn't just a trim but he looked a bit younger and his prominent jawline was on display. He was already handsome but he looked better now, not that Natasha would admit that to anyone.

"Not as bad as I thought it'd be."

Natasha let out a laugh then, in total disbelief. "I did a great fuckin' job, thank you very much."

Barnes grinned at her and she had to take a moment. "Sure you did, doll."

" _Doll?_ Really? Okay, _old sport._ "

"Habits." He walked out of her room carrying the chair he'd sat on and putting it back in place by her desk, his eyes scanning the table as he waited for her to emerge from the bathroom.

"Sleep, then?" The question took him by surprise but she wasn't sure why. "Some of us actually have work to do in the morning."

"Right," he bit his lip and made his way to the door.

"Goodnight, Barnes," Natasha called out.

"Goodnight," he opened the door and looked back at her one last time. " _Natasha._ "

He closed the door behind him quickly and Natasha let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding. She spent a good ten minutes cleaning up her bathroom before taking a shower and crawling into bed, the girl she had to stab in the neck with scissors making an appearance in her dreams that night. The next morning, she almost choked on her blueberries when Steve commented on his best friend's new haircut.


	4. Chapter 4

Natasha was home from a mission in South America. It took her a while to finally track the Hydra head that's decided to pop up there, but it was worth it. She ended up in the depths of Peru but hey, one down a hundred more to go, right?

She was tired though, more tired than she thought she'd be. She hadn't been sleeping well lately, which was a thing that happened every now and then when she felt anxious. It didn't feel right to leave Barnes alone at the compound with just Steve there. Sam came around sometimes to help apparently and Wanda's been telling her that he was doing better. Less violent nightmares, a few screamy ones scattered in the weeks she was gone.

When she returned to the compound, she found him and Wanda in the kitchen. Wanda's taken a liking to cooking recently and it was all she focused on aside from trying to control her powers. Barnes was watching her cook as he was perched on a stool on the opposite side of the counter.

"Smells good," Natasha commented as she made her way over to the fridge to get cold water.

"Thank you. I have been doing better. Bucky said so."

"Didn't know you were a food critic, Barnes." She kept an eye on him as she chugged a whole water bottle. He didn't move from his spot but he wasn't as tense as when she left. It proved that she was right to bring him to the compound after all. Being around people was good for him.

"Nat, what happened to your face?" Wanda left the pot she'd been stirring and came to examine her, delicate fingers trying to reach but not touching.

"Clint would call it _hero stuff_." Natasha flashed her a smile. "It's nothing."

"Should we get a doctor?" She was adorable. Frightening but adorable.

"Already got everything checked, sweetheart. Your stew is about to burn."

Wanda moved back to her stew immediately, stirring it before having a taste. Natasha gave Barnes a nod and walked towards the doorway, wanting desperately to just crawl under a scalding hot shower and pass out. She was so tired.

"Dinner is going to be ready soon," Wanda called out.

Natasha only waved her hand as acknowledgment and went up to her room. She got clean quickly but stood under the shower for what felt like forever and gave herself time to breathe. The good thing was the hot water really didn't run out in the compound. She spoiled herself a few moments of peace before she stepped out and examined the damage on her body more thoroughly in the mirror.

Aside from the busted lip and the bruise on her cheek and on the corner of her mouth, she had bruises on her shoulder and on her hip. Her left arm was also sore because she landed on it wrong. The whole spy thing wasn't as glamorous as it was in the movies.

Someone knocked on her door then, so soft she wouldn't have been able to hear it if she wasn't always hyper aware of her surroundings. Natasha wrapped herself up in a towel and was about to get to the door when the person knocked again, louder this time.

"This better be-- _Barnes_."

He stood there awkwardly, eyes averting hers when he realized she was only in a towel. "Dinner's ready."

"I'll be right there, jeez."

Bucky's eyes flickered up at the silver scar on her shoulder, staring at it. Natasha knew what he was thinking immediately. "I--"

"If you apologize again I'm going to slam the door in your face."

His eyes found hers soon, still blue and mellow, but not as sad as they were when she left. Good, she thought. He wasn't going to disrupt her sleep this time.

"I'm going to get dressed," she announced when he failed to say something. She preferred a lighter atmosphere. The brooding didn't make him look better. The scruff that's grown on his face during her absence did though, but that was neither here nor there. "You're free to watch if you want."

And then, to her surprise, he actually turned red. Natasha stalked back into her room to where her closet was. Her towel was about to drop to the floor when she heard her door close abruptly. She smirked but it only opened up the small wound on her lip, she could taste the blood as she got dressed.

Dinner was entertaining. Wanda was her adorable self and Barnes couldn't look Natasha in the eye, not even to pass the salt. She found it absolutely hilarious. Vision hovered, reporting to Natasha everything that's happened in the compound since she left. It was just two weeks but apparently, a lot has happened.

Sam and Steve were out most days, still working with Hill on a couple of missions, which left Bucky alone at the compound. Apparently, he'd been watching a lot of films with Wanda since both of them hadn't had a chance to in the past. Vision gave them recommendations but all they've been watching are old sci-fi films that Vision enjoyed. Natasha made a mental note to either start a list or steal Steve's little notebook.

After dinner, they all decided to watch a movie of Natasha's choice. She took a little too long to decide but eventually, she told Vision to put on The Shining. Apparently, none of them had ever seen it which was going to be fun. It was one of the first films she told Steve to watch, much to his horror.

Natasha placed herself on one side of the couch while Barnes settled on the other side. Wanda got the loveseat all to herself, snuggling against a pillow. Vision hovered like he did. It was nice and the room was dark to set the mood. Except she chose the wrong side of the couch to tuck herself into. Her shoulder was still off and it didn't feel right leaning against her arm.

She would shift every now and then to ease her discomfort while trying not to catch anyone's attention but when her eyes flitted to the man on the other side of the couch, she found him staring at her. She gestured for him to watch the movie and he did but eventually, his eyes drifted to her again.

"What?" She mouthed. Wanda was so engrossed in the film, she was actually thrilled about the creepiness of it all.

Barnes pat his own arm while looking at hers.

"It's nothing." She mouthed again. He let her go, but his eyes would dart back at her every time she moved. Wanda was snoring lightly by the time the credits rolled and Vision volunteered to carry her to her room much to Natasha's relief because she definitely couldn't with the arm she had.

She was cleaning up and putting the pillows in order while Barnes just kind of stood there and waited for her. For what, she didn't know, but she appreciated the silence until he broke it.

"Your arm isn't in good shape."

"You're one to talk."

"Natasha--"

"It'll be fine. I just fell bad. It happens to the best of us." She started for her bedroom, which was right beside his and made her mission to get away from him a tough one. He followed closely but not close enough that it was uncomfortable. It was a safe distance.

"Do you want a drink?" They were halfway up the stairs by then, which was weird timing altogether. She just wanted to sleep but she indulged him anyway. They walked back to the kitchen side by side, not speaking a single word with each other but it didn't feel as awkward as she expected. The entire compound was asleep, not that there were a lot of people there to begin with, especially in the residential wing.

She got them a couple of beers from the fridge and opened his for him before opening hers. Natasha hopped up on the counter while he sat on the stool on the island like he did when she arrived earlier.

"Any interesting dreams lately?" She asked. She knew he didn't invite her for drinks for nothing.

"I've been having a couple, but they're not as bad as they used to be." He took a swig of his drink and leaned against the island. "You need to get your arm checked."

"You asked me for a drink because you're concerned about my arm?" She quirked an eyebrow at him.

"No. I asked you for a drink because I wanted to talk."

 _Interesting._ "About?"

Barnes shrugged, unsure of himself. "I don't know. Steve... I told him about some of it like you suggested. He tries to understand, but he couldn't. Not really."

"No one does." She took another sip of her drink. It did little to nothing to her, but she savored the taste of it.

" _You do._ "

Natasha nodded. She wasn't going to contest that. Out of everyone on earth that he might possibly meet, she was the one who knew what it was like to be made into a weapon, to have parts of her stripped to fit the image of their perfect agent.

"What do you do to stop the guilt?" He asked after a while. Their first bottles were empty but she didn't feel like getting up to get more.

 _I don't_ , she wanted to say, but that wouldn't have been helpful. "I help other people. That's how I try to make up for it." That wasn't really answering his question but it was enough of an answer to satisfy him apparently.

"I don't know if I'll be allowed that."

"You will be, eventually. We're working on it."

Barnes sighed, looking away from her. "Until then?"

"Until then you'll stay here where it's safe." Natasha couldn't remember when she'd become the person he confided in about these insecurities but it made her feel good that he trusted her to this extent. After all, she was there to help him too, no matter how stubborn he was. She was probably the only person in the compound who truly understood what he was going through.

Barnes stood and walked over to the fridge beside her, grabbing them both new bottles. He opened one easily and handed it to her before opening his and clinking the bottles together. He just stood there, kind of hovering around her saying nothing as he drank his beer.

"You never call me Bucky," he said, his blue eyes landing on a spot on the bulletin board where the chore chart was.

"It doesn't feel right. Sounds like a child's name. Or a pet's."

That earned her a laugh, like an actual laugh. Natasha couldn't help but smile at the crinkles that formed at the edge of his eyes. It almost made her forget that he was the deadliest man she's ever met. His eyes landed on the scar on her shoulder again and focused there for a minute. The smile on his face faded a bit, but he didn't look as troubled as when he saw it earlier. His hand came up, running his thumb across it. Goosebumps appeared on Natasha's back. "I remember that day. On the bridge."

"Still pissed about that too, by the way." She joked, taking a long sip of her drink. She was acutely aware of how his eyes trailed up her neck, his hand still on her shoulder.

"Yeah," he said, his gaze now on her lips. "I'd say sorry but you wouldn't let me."

"Because that wasn't your fault." Their faces were so close, too close. His hand went to rest on her knee and more goosebumps appeared on her belly. His hand was calloused, which was expected, but the way he touched her was so gentle. Like those plums in Bucharest, as if she was made of glass.

Barnes had been gradually moving closer, his eyes drawn to her mouth, and Natasha let him. Whether it was because of sheer curiosity or the thrill of a fluttery stomach, she didn't know but she was allowing it either way. She could feel his breath against her cheek, smell the beer they'd shared. She held her own breath and waited for his lips to touch her own but he pulled back suddenly as if a force had torn him off of her. He avoided her eyes, sticking his arms to his sides.

"Sorry." He set the beer on the counter and walked away as fast as he could while trying his best not to make a run for it.

Natasha sighed and sat there for a while to collect herself. After about five minutes of trying to analyze what happened, she came to the conclusion that she didn't know what the fuck happened but it left a heavy feeling on her chest. Her heart sank to her stomach.


	5. Chapter 5

"So... you have a _crush._ "

It was at that moment that Natasha regretted even visiting Clint fucking Barton. His laughter echoed throughout his house, taunting her even more. It's been a few days since the thing with Barnes and she felt weird about it.

For one, the metal-armed man started acting like absolutely nothing happened that night. She would have understood it better if he started avoiding her but he carried on, joining in on conversations she'd be having with Wanda or Steve, acting like his mouth wasn't centimeters away from hers at one point. And he'd smile around her with those eye crinkles and everything, it was infuriating. So she left one morning and headed in the direction of the only place she knew she could vent and not worry about being judged. Clint's house. Hawkeye might be retired but Clint never stopped being Natasha's best friend. As well as her worst enemy.

She shoved a pillow in his direction and rolled her eyes. "We're not in high school, Clint."

Laura was out for errands and the kids were playing upstairs, leaving them alone in the living room. All Clint had in his fridge were juice boxes. Natasha got the orange flavored one and Clint had the apple. They were sitting on the sofa in the living room with fucking juice boxes. They _really were_ getting old.

"It's hilarious, I can't believe this is happening. Does the star-spangled man know that his best friend made a move on you?"

"No. And you're not telling him."

"I didn't even know he was, you know, _capable_ of making moves." Clint took a long sip of his juice before talking again. "And isn't he a bit too old for you? I mean, I know your taste in men is weird. But he's what? Ninety-five?"

"Shut up." Natasha kicked his shin hard enough for him to feel it. "I wouldn't even call it a move."

"You said his mouth was right on yours. That's a _move_ if I've ever seen one, Natasha."

He made sense. He looked ridiculous wearing mismatched socks and sipping on a juice box with kids toys all around him, but he made sense. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Well, I don't know him so I can't tell you what _he's_ thinking. Hell, I can't tell what you're thinking most of the time."

Natasha herself didn't know what she was thinking. Bucky Barnes confused her more than any single person she's come across. Lately, nothing really made sense when it came to him.

"Listen, you can--and listen well, now-- _talk- to- him_." He gasped loudly for effect, making explosion sounds with matching hand gestures around his head. "I know. I'm a genius. And they say you're the brains in this partnership."

Natasha threw him another pillow but he was right, yet again, it was the only logical solution to whatever it was that was happening. But the problem was that she didn't know if _anything_ was happening at all. He could have just been drunk or horny or both. But then again, the Winter Soldier? Drunk on a bottle and a half of beer? _No way._

"Can I stay here for a few days? I don't want to go back there. I can't stand his face."

"What's wrong with his face? I've seen his face. It's a pretty good looking face if you ask me."

Natasha sighed, reaching for her own juice box on the coffee table and taking a sip. "I know."

"You have a crush."

"I don't."

"It's _cute_."

" _Stop._ "

"In all the years I've known you, I've never seen you be this bothered by a man."

"Clint."

He snickered. "I can't wait to tell Laura."

"She can't know about Barnes being at the facility, remember? No one can."

"Fine. Keep your dirty little secret then."

She made a face at him and got up to play with the kids. They were always excited whenever she came around and she did truly miss them. Work's been kicking her ass, quite literally, and it was nice to just relax for a bit. Even if that meant babysitting.

Laura prepared the guest room for her, thrilled that she was staying for a couple of days. The woman never truly understood the nature of their job or the things Natasha had done before meeting Clint, but she accepted her with open arms anyway.

When she told them she was leaving on her third day, Laura insisted that she stay a little longer. Natasha had to decline, sadly. She wanted to stay, she did, but Steve's been calling and leaving her messages her non-stop asking her where she was and when she'd be coming back. Apparently, her services were needed for an op.

She gave the children kisses goodbye and hugged Laura and Clint before leaving. The simple life looked good on the archer. He looked happy, well rested. The opposite of her despite her three-day retreat on their farm.

When she got back to the compound, everyone was gathered in the lounge except for one person. Hill was there, eating ice cream while briefing everyone about what Rumlow's crew has been doing. The team was to intercept and stop Rumlow from stealing a weapon in Nigeria. What the weapon was, none of them had a clue yet.

"Where have you been?" Steve asked Natasha after Hill left. He got her cornered at the kitchen while she hunted for ice cream. Apparently, they didn't leave her any.

"I was at Clint's."

"Oh. That explains the reception, I guess." He was so innocent, like a baby, but Natasha didn't correct him. She'd just been purposely ignoring his calls.

"He says hi. Says he misses you."

"How are the kids?"

"They've gotten bigger. The littlest traitor can now walk so they've been having fun chasing him around."

Steve smiled at the thought, his chest rising for a small laugh. Natasha was about to make her exit when he spoke again. "Bucky looked for you when you left. He didn't say much but he kept staring at your place on the dining table the first night you were gone. That's why I called, mostly."

 _Damn him._ "Maybe he got too used to me being around. I _am_ a presence, after all."

The blonde man chuckled and nodded. "He's been asking about you, random stuff, if I trusted you or not."

"And what did you say?"

"I said I trusted you with my life."

And there it is, that feeling in her gut she didn't like but was slowly getting used to. She didn't like it when people relied too much on her. Expectation bred disappointment. But she's been teaching herself to trust people in return and it's been helping. "That's sweet."

"Anyway, you should pop by and tell him you're here. Maybe he'd stop beating the life out of the punching bags in the gym."

Steve left the kitchen first with a water bottle in hand while Natasha continued to find food for herself. After eating some of Wanda's leftover lasagna, she went to her room, staring at Barnes' door for a while before entering. She hasn't seen him yet but she was already so annoyed.

Asking about her? Looking for her? After he pretended that what happened didn't? Natasha changed into her workout clothes and headed for the gym. She needed to get some punches in before she talked to him about it, like the mature well-adjusted adults they were supposed to be. Her pace slowed when she heard grunting and what seemed to be punches against heavy leather. She prayed to god it was just Steve again, because then she'd ask him to spar.

When she saw that it was _him_ , she turned on her heels. She hadn't made it two steps when he spoke.

"Where have you been?" He was breathing heavily. Steve wasn't lying about the whole thing about beating the life out of the punching bags.

Natasha took a deep breath and turned slowly, making her way over to where he was. His face was full of sweat, his hair matted on his forehead, cheeks red. The shirt he'd been wearing did nothing to hide the outline of his muscles. _Annoying._

"Clint's."

"Am I supposed to know who that is?" He made his way to the bench on the side where his things were. He grabbed a towel and wiped the sweat off his face, and Natasha totally wasn't watching how his arm flexed or anything.

"He's a friend. Lives on a farm." Natasha started wrapping her knuckles then, distracting herself from the man who was now drinking water as if his life depended on it.

She started warming up, stretching right beside the other bag - the one that wasn't a victim of the Winter Soldier's earlier beating.

"Did you get your arm checked?"

"I did." She started throwing punches, slow ones at first, to warm up. He watched her from where he sat, which wasn't all that far. Natasha could see him leaning back on his hands as his eyes followed the line of her body. She's never been conscious of her punches until now. She started hitting the bag harder.

"Are you sure you're allowed to use it that much?"

Natasha stopped then, holding onto the bag to steady it while taking another breath before looking right at him. "Why were you throwing broody tantrums when I was away?"

His annoying demeanor didn't falter, not even a crack. "I don't know what you're talking about."

She started coming towards him, stopping only when she was just out of his reach. "Steve said you were looking for me, why?"

"I wasn't looking for you. I just pointed out your absence. _Wanda_ was looking for you though. Apparently, you weren't answering her calls." He ran a hand through his hair and looked in the direction of the bags, standing up after a while to make his way back to the one he'd been beating earlier.

"Fine. I give up." Clint was right. Natasha wasn't the kind of person who let herself be bothered by a man who couldn't make up his mind. If he wanted to pretend like whatever happened, didn't, then she was going to do that too. She's always been good at pretending.

Natasha started unwrapping her hands as she made her way to the door only to be stopped by a cold hand on her arm, spinning her around. His grip was controlled, cautious. She wished he held on tighter.

"I'm sorry."

"I heard you the first time."

"I had a dream--"

"Well, shit, I have those too."

"No, that night, after-- usually my dreams are about my memories resurfacing. I thought it was Odessa because you were there. Except it wasn't Odessa. It wasn't anything. It was just you in a pool of blood, blood in my hands." He let go of her then, realizing his metal fingers were digging into her skin. "I couldn't talk to anyone about it."

"You could have talked to me," she was still pissed. None of this made sense to her.

"I know, I just... I've never been one to believe in superstition or God or whatever it was they taught me in school to believe in. But it was something, Natasha. A warning... A sign?"

"A sign of what?" She quirked an eyebrow at him.

"That I'll hurt you."

"I'd love you see you try."

He sighed, defeated. Natasha kept her guard up, staring him down. She could tell there was a lot in his mind by the way his eyes shifted from her to different things around her. "Use your words, Barnes."

"I don't want to hurt you. You're Steve's friend."

Natasha scoffed. "Funny. I thought I was beginning to be yours, too."

Barnes opened his mouth to say something but closed it again, his lips forming a straight line. She waited for him to say something, anything, but he was lost inside his own mind trying to fish for words. Natasha softened then, she knew she shouldn't be this hard on him. He was still trying to figure life out.

"Get that nonsense about hurting me out of your head. It'll never happen because I won't let it." He was about to say something when she stopped him. "I have work to do. I'll see you around."

"Natasha--"

"You know, Steve told me a lot about how you were quite the ladies' man. I'm disappointed." A small smirk formed on her lips before she turned and started walking away. "I expected more."

 

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

"The Harry Potter series is interesting. How funny it is that they rely on wooden sticks for magic." Wanda said over breakfast. Natasha had just finished a run and was picking on her smoothie bowl.

"The human mind can only imagine so much, Wanda. And besides, they're cute. Imagine riding around in a broomstick."

Wanda laughed and took a bite of her pancakes. Barnes was still working on a second batch. Apparently, the entire second batch was just for him.

"I like the one where they have a ball in the winter. The man Hermoine danced with was so handsome. Reminded me a bit of Bucky."

The man cooking the pancakes smiled but refused to look up from his pancake mission. It was still strange seeing him cook but he insisted. His mother was a good cook, according to Steve, and she had taught her son a thing or two in the kitchen. Natasha didn't like pancakes that much but she ate one to humor him.

They've been back to normal ever since their little talk at the gym, at least for the most part. He didn't get in her way and she didn't talk to him much aside from her snide comments and sarcastic remarks. The Romanoff special. He did start sitting closer to her during dinner and helped her with deciphering Russian Hydra stuff that one time but other than that no moves have been made. They were at a standstill.

Natasha watched as he ate a whole stack of pancakes in under ten minutes. He had maple syrup on his lips and everything. Not that she'd been watching his mouth specifically. It was just an observation.

At least that's what she's been telling herself every time her eyes wandered in his direction. He'd been working out more lately - so the beatings the punching bags got from him weren't _entirely_ her fault - and it made him look better, tauter. More _manly man_ , less _brooding emo boy_.

He's also been shaving, which Natasha didn't mind, not that she had a say on it or anything but it made him look younger. His lips were in clear view a lot too. He had just licked them to get the syrup off when her phone buzzed on the table, startling her.

Barnes snorted and took a sip of his coffee, his eyes on her as she read her messages. Sam and Steve went to Nigeria to get Rumlow but they were having a difficult time tracking him on site. They were going to get some shut-eye before trying again the next day. The Avenger life wasn't as action-packed as people thought it was.

When she put her phone down, Barnes was still staring at her. He wore an expression she wasn't sure she was reading right. Wanda was the one who broke the silence and the impromptu staring competition.

"Okay, I don't know what's happening here but I'm going to go on a walk with Vis." She rose and put her dishes in the sink before waving at them as she left the kitchen. Natasha attempted to finish her breakfast but the man across from her was still staring.

"Got something to say, Barnes?"

"Not really." Barnes took another sip of his coffee before getting up and walking to the sink with his dirty dish. There was a tension in the air between them and Natasha didn't like it.

After shoving his plate into the dishwasher, Barnes left the room without another word and disappeared into the compound. Natasha finished her breakfast in silence, sending Sam and Steve a meme of a cat doing laundry for good measure.

She spent the whole day working behind a computer and catching up on some paperwork she would rather not do. This was probably the part of the job she hated the most but at least it got her mind off a certain resident that kept looming around her.

Wanda got her a sandwich for her lunch but she didn't move an inch from the desk in the lounge. It was well past dinner time when she finished and looked up. The sandwich beside her had been cold for hours and her water bottle was empty.

She reached for her shoulder, trying to give herself a massage. Her muscles there were tense and she definitely needed to sit in a massage chair. She was sure there was one somewhere in the compound. Tony was physically unable to build a facility without one.

"Stiff neck?" Barnes stood in the doorway with two mugs in his hands. Judging by the dampness of his hair, he'd just showered. He was already wearing sleep clothes - sweatpants that hung low on his hips and a shirt that was a little too tight on his shoulders. Natasha looked away, pretending to go back to work.

She heard him walking towards her, eventually placing one of the cups he had in his hand beside her sandwich. "Two and a half creams, one sugar."

"Thanks," she managed to mutter, taking the warm cup into her hands and taking a sip. Natasha hummed at the taste of it, the warmth traveling down to her empty stomach. He made good coffee, she wasn't going to deny that.

Meanwhile, Barnes sat on the chair across the desk and watched her, sipping his coffee. It was black. He always had it black, she knew that by now. "Have you eaten?"

"Haven't had time." She was still cradling the coffee in her hands when she let herself look at him. His hair had grown a bit since she cut it, the day's stubble settling on his jaw. He looked better than when she found him in Bucharest. "Why are you still up?"

"Can't sleep," he sighed and sank into his seat, his eyes so blue she was sure she could dive into them. "I've been thinking a lot."

"About?"

"You."

Natasha looked away, eyes darting to the screen of her laptop, taking a long sip of her coffee. The liquid burned the tip of her tongue but she didn't let it show. "What about me?"

"I really want to be friends, like you said." He sounded serious but cautious at the same time.

"We can be that," she made a show of reading something on her screen but it wasn't anything important, just an e-mail from Hill, catching up.

Barnes pushed on her laptop, closing it so that she'd look at him. Natasha didn't whine about it, but a small frown appeared on her face. "But I still want to kiss you."

Natasha felt a lump in her throat, her heart sinking to her stomach, a flutter there. Her eyes locked with his as she considered the words she wanted to say however no amount of rational thought held her back from saying what she did. "Then kiss me."

His face kept steady, the slight twitch on the side of his eye a giveaway to the surprise he was probably feeling. His Adam's apple bobbed up and down his throat as he swallowed before he stood, making his way around the table carefully, his eyes never leaving hers.

She turned in his direction in her chair, setting her coffee down on the table. Natasha could hear her heart pounding her chest and she wondered if he could hear it too. It was ridiculous, really, how nervous he made her feel. It wasn't just because he looked at her the way he did or the fact that he was about to kiss her too. It was just him, in general, always catching her off guard.

He reached for her chin to tilt her head up to him before he moved forward, pressing a soft kiss on her lips. He tasted like coffee, bitter, and her lips were sort of dry but then again hers were probably too.

But this wasn't it. This wasn't how he was going to kiss her that night when they were drinking beer instead of coffee. When he pulled away, Natasha reached for his face, both of her hands on his cheeks. The action surprised him enough to make him fall onto his knee. Good. Now, they were at eye level. "Kiss me like you mean it."

The look on his face changed, he knelt on both knees and pulled her chair closer to him, his metal hand on her waist as the other traveled back up to cup her cheek. Natasha's hands slid down to rest on his shoulders. They were solid and steady beneath her touch.

He leaned forward to kiss her again, harder this time, with more urgency. Natasha closed her eyes, her mouth moving against his like she's done this before. Kissing wasn't something she usually put too much thought into but with him, she couldn't help it. This was uncharted territory.

She pressed herself closer against him, his metal hand resting on her lower back as her own hand traveled to the back of his head, fingers carding through his hair. She bit on his lower lip before capturing his mouth again and he hummed against her lips. When he pulled back, his mouth was plump and pink and all she wanted to do was to continue kissing him. She licked her own lips, gripping his hair and pulling his head back slightly. "Satisfied?"

He groaned when she yanked on his hair but a smirk crept onto his face anyway, betraying him. "You kiss all your friends like that?"

"Only the annoying ones." Natasha mirrored his smirk with her own, fingers letting go of his hair.

"You," he chuckled and got up from where he was kneeling, her hands slipping off of him. "You're trouble."

"I didn't start it," Natasha was a little disappointed that he was going back to his chair. She sank into her own, following his every move as she reached for her coffee again. It didn't taste the same now. Or more like, it wasn't the thing that she wanted on her tongue.

He ran a hand through his hair and picked up his coffee, finishing it off in one go. Her eyes watched as his Adam's apple moved against his throat. She wanted to kiss him there, she decided.

"You going to bed soon?" He asked, licking the coffee that got caught on his lips away.

"Maybe." She stood, her eyes had a glint in them, a grin attempting form on her mouth. "Wanna come?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second to the last chapter! I might change the rating for the final chapter so stay tuned ;-)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut!

Natasha had her back pressed against her door, her mouth occupied with kissing Bucky fucking Barnes. He tasted like bitter coffee and she was drinking in every drop of it. Their journey from the lounge to her room seemed like a blur now. All she could remember was how he caught her in a kiss in the hallway before they stumbled into her bedroom. His hands kept still on her waist, the metal one touching her lighter than the flesh one did. She wondered if he was doing it on purpose or if he's just gotten used to trying not to use it.

She almost gasped when his lips released hers, traveling down to her jaw, her neck, until he found a spot and started sucking on it. That was going to leave a mark but she really didn't care. She took a hand, the metal one, and pushed it underneath her shirt over one of her breasts. He groaned against her skin, pulling the hand back.

" _Natasha,_ " he warned, pulling back to look at her face. His eyes caught what little light peered through her window, the white fluorescent from outside peering through the blinds and creating lines on where the shadows landed.

"What? I'm not scared of you."

He considered it for a quick moment before he leaned forward to kiss her again, his hand slowly moving back to where she'd placed it, thumb running over a nipple over the fabric. Natasha sighed against his lips as her own hands got busy trying to rid him of his shirt.

Barnes pulled back and removed it for her, letting her take a good look at him before he pulled on her shirt turn. She was wearing a simple bra underneath, nothing fancy since she's just been working all day, but with the look on his eyes, she might as well have been dressed in her best lingerie.

She moved forward and he started walking back until the back of his knees reached the bed. Natasha wasted no time pushing him onto the bed, following him closely as she straddled his thighs.

It was her turn to kiss him down his neck. His stubble scratched lightly against her lips but she paid it no attention. Her tongue ran across a spot on the base of his neck before she nipped at the skin there, earning her another groan from him. His hands skimmed over her thighs and her waist until they reached her breasts, feeling the weight of them n his palms. She didn't know she liked being fondled like this until he started doing it.

Natasha reached behind her, her lips still leaving marks on the man's chest, to unclasp her bra and let her tits fall into his hands. The contrasting sensation between the cold metal and the warm flesh brought goosebumps to the surface of her skin. Meanwhile, she could feel him getting hard underneath her and she couldn't help but smirk. She pulled back, throwing the bra that's dropped between them onto the floor and letting him get a good look at her.

"God," he breathed, looking right into her eyes. "You're beautiful."

She smiled at him, a real wholesome smile as her hand reached for his face. "You're not too bad yourself."

Natasha leaned forward to kiss him, her hips moving against him slowly until his hands came to grip on them. She took it as her cue to stop and also to stand so that she can shimmy out of her leggings. His eyes ran over her body and she could see the outline of his cock against the grey sweatpants he was wearing.

She sat back down on his lap, smiling as her hand reached between them, fingers slipping into his sweatpants and then his boxer briefs until her cold hand reached his length.

" _Natasha,_ " he choked out, dropping his forehead onto her shoulder as she started moving her hand against him, squeezing ever so slightly at the base. He breathed against her neck and cupped her ass, standing up with whatever strength he had left so that he can toss her onto the bed and rid himself of the sweatpants he had on.

Natasha almost laughed at how clumsy he was being, how very human his actions were. She propped herself up on her elbows and watched him strip, licking her lips when his dick finally sprung out of the confines of his underwear. He took a breath before he reached for her ankles, tugging so that he could reach down to take her underwear off. She obliged, lifting her hips to help him.

Once the flimsy piece of fabric was on the floor, he began crawling up her body. He trailed kisses along the inside of her thigh, her hip where a silver scar was, up the middle of her ribs, and to her shoulder where another scar lay. His lips pressed against hers firmly when they were finally face to face. "You're beautiful," he whispered again.

Her arms wrapped around his neck, fingers playing with his hair. "Heard you the first time, soldier."

"I have-" he kissed down her neck again. "A name, you know." His flesh hand traveled to her thigh, pushing against it lightly so that he could fit better between her legs.

"I'm not calling you _Bucky_ in bed."

His mouth was on her chest now, sucking on her plump flesh there before his tongue found a nipple causing Natasha to squeeze her knees against his sides. " _James Buchanan Barnes_ ," she breathed. "Sounds like a good little boy's name."

And he wasn't that, wasn't necessarily _good_ and definitely _not_ a boy. The man gave the other nipple the same treatment before he went further down, nipping at her ribs, her belly, until he was in between her legs and man she knew she was wet.

"Beautiful," he murmured again, his fingers coming up to tease her folds, which was both the wrong _and_ the right move. He had to place his metal arm over her hips to keep them from arching off the bed.

His fingers were slick as they finally grazed against her clit and she felt a bolt of electricity shoot through her body. Until, finally, she felt his warm mouth on her and she sighed, sinking into the bed. Her legs wrapped around his head as his tongue pressed against her bundle of nerves, one of his fingers slipping inside her.

Natasha had to remind herself not to be so loud or else they were going to wake up the entire compound but he was making it so damn hard. Where did he learn to use his mouth like that? "F-f _uck_ ," she muttered, her breathing getting more and more uneven as he put more pressure on her, a second finger slipping inside of her, crooking inside in an angle that made her feel them better against her walls. She was going to come.

"James, please--" she moaned out loud. Her hand immediately came to cover her mouth while the other gripped on the sheets beneath her.

He looked up at her, his lips swollen and wet from her slick and her heart soared. "Come on, sweetheart," his fingers moving faster while his thumb pressed down onto her clit. "Let go."

Natasha was at his mercy. She normally wouldn't let anyone have this power over her but she was helpless under his touch. His mouth went back to her clit as she felt her walls clenching around his fingers. The orgasm that hit her had her seeing white and she wasn't sure if it felt good because it's been _that_ long since she's had sex or if it was because he just knew what he was doing.

He eased her through her high before pulling his fingers from her and making a show of putting them in his mouth. If she wasn't already in total bliss she would have come right then and there again. He left a kiss on her belly and scooted up the bed to kiss her mouth. She could taste herself on his tongue.

He hummed against her lips, hips jerking instinctively when his length bumped against her thigh. Natasha admired the self-control he had. She reached between them with lazy fingers, wrapping her hand lightly around his length. He moaned so beautifully against her ear that it went straight into her crotch.

Natasha pushed him off her, changing their positions so that she was the one on top. With a hand still on him, she leaned forward and gave him a long lingering kiss then lifted her hips and eased herself onto him, her thighs twitching as she took him in.

"Nat--" his hands were on her hips, helping her with her balance and also holding on for dear life. His pupils were blown out and his mouth... _oh_ his mouth looked _delicious_. Natasha let out a small moan once he was all the way in, not moving as she adjusted to the size of him.

She just sat there for a while, hands now on his chest as she tried to steady herself. She was sure that the view he had wasn't all that bad either. "Nat, you need to move."

Natasha smiled down at him, leaning forward to kiss him - because that's her new favorite thing to do now - before she started rocking her hips. He moaned against her kiss, hands tightening around her waist instantly. Those were definitely going to leave marks too but, again, she really didn't care. She's never felt this good in a long, _long_ time.

He took her by surprise when he sat up, wrapping his arms around her completely as his mouth found her shoulder, his mouth lazy against her skin as he let out a grunt each time he moved his own hips forward. She held onto his shoulders, a hand carding through his hair while the other was on his arm, supporting her as they moved together. They soon found a steady rhythm, their movements getting more precise as they learned each other's bodies. "James," she whispered against his ear. "I'm so close."

To make the long story short, her thighs felt like jelly and the sounds he was making wasn't helping with that. " _Fuck_ ," he muttered against her skin before he flipped them over, setting her back onto her bed. Her hair fanned around her like a halo of red. James pushed his hips into her, going as deep as he could before pulling out and doing the same exact thing over and over again.

All Natasha could do was watch under hooded eyes as his cold metal hand reached between them and pressed onto the bundle of nerves she had there. She was already sensitive from going over the edge earlier and this made her even more so. "Jesus Christ." Her hips jerking against him as she felt another orgasm coming on.

"Natasha," he breathed against her neck. "You're so fucking beautiful. _Feel. So good._ " He pressed his lips against her, hard enough that she thought her lips were going to bruise and she came harder than the first time, a desperate cry escaping her mouth. His own orgasm followed shortly after, prompted by how tight her walls clenched and fluttered around him. They rode out their climaxes lazily, sloppily, while their mouths started softening against each other. She couldn't feel her legs and maybe that was a good thing. After a few moments, he pulled out of her and let himself collapse half on top of her body, nuzzling against her neck.

"Fuck," she breathed out, one of her hands coming up to wrap around his shoulders. "That was--"

James hummed in agreement, pressing a soft kiss against her skin. "You fuck all of your friends like that?"

Natasha laughed, low and quiet while James lifted his head up so that he could kiss her again. It really was an activity she quite enjoyed. But this time around, it was soft, softer than the ones they shared just moments ago. She never thought he'd be capable of such tenderness but there he was, his hand cupping her face like she was made of glass. Her heart was beating so fast against her chest that she was convinced it was going to jump out of her rib cage. When he pulled back, her eyes found his and she smiled.

"Beautiful," he said, stealing another kiss before he rolled off of her, lying on his back. They lied there in silence for a while, only the sound of their breathing filling the air. Natasha wasn't sure what to do after, or what they were now. She'd never really been in a relationship in god knows how long. Not that one fuck made them a couple or anything.

"What's going on in there?" He asked after a while, turning to face her.

"I was considering my clothing options for Nigeria. Not really a turtleneck kind of place." She turned towards him too, tucking her hands under her head. He reached for her and tucked her hair behind her ear like it was the most natural thing ever, like he's done it a million times. The fluttering in her stomach felt foreign and she didn't understand it all too well but it made her feel good.

"Leaving soon?"

"Any day now," she sighed. She didn't want to leave, not now that she had this. Whatever _this_ was. "Why? You gonna miss me?"

He smiled and the damn crinkles by his eyes appeared again. Natasha wanted to take a picture of him just so she can look at him smiling anytime she wanted but she settled for reaching for his face, cradling his jaw in her hand. He leaned into her touch and closed his eyes.

"Don't know what to do here when you're not around, to be honest."

"Is that why you threw that broody tantrum when I went to Clint's?"

"I didn't--who even _is_ Clint?"

"I'm not going to talk about Clint while I'm naked in bed with you."

His hand snaked onto her hip, pulling her closer against him so that he could reach over easily to kiss her again. It was good to know that she wasn't the only one enjoying that. "You're trouble."

"I thought you said I was _so good._ " She mimicked the noises he made earlier and laughed.

He laughed along with her, _actually laughed_ , and she loved the sound of it. God, maybe Clint was right about her having a crush. Then again, they were way past that now. "Shut up."

Natasha moved closer so that she could slide on top of him, sitting up on his stomach. His hands instantly found their place on her thighs, caressing her there. "What are we going to tell Steve?"

A chuckle rumbled in his chest as he smiled up at her, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear again before reaching up so that he could kiss her. There was a lot of that going on. "I'm not going to talk about Steve while I'm naked in bed with you."

"Touché." Natasha followed him back down onto the bed, reconnecting their lips as his fingers kept drawing lines on her skin.

"We're both so fucked up," she commented after a while, her lips traveling to his neck to do some more damage there.

"Yeah," his hands kept running up and down her thighs. "I'm no good for you."

"No. _I'm_ no good for you."

"You are, though. You helped me more than you know. I wish I could be that person for you, too."

"James--" he kissed her again because that was the only way to make her shut up these days apparently. His hands rested on the curve of her hip, cold fingers smooth against her skin.

"I like it." He pulled back and smiled again. Damn. "The way you say my name. Better than _Barnes_ , definitely."

She didn't know what it was about Bucky Barnes that made her forget that she was supposed to be some sort of mysterious femme fatale. He definitely wasn't good for her image, and he still wasn't all there, but she didn't care. Natasha's new mission was to help him through it, violent nightmares be damned. She moaned against him when she felt his thumb on her still sensitive clit.

" _God,_ " she whispered before sitting up again. He kept working slow circles on her, her hips moving against his hand on their own accord. "James."

"Yes?" His eyes were getting dark again, the grin on his face dripping with mischief.

Natasha reached for the hand he had on her and pulled it away. "I'm going to take a shower." She took herself off of him and moved slowly towards the bathroom, smiling to herself when she heard him whine in protest.

"I might need some assistance in here, Barnes." She looked over her shoulder to see that he was already pushing himself off the bed to follow her to the bathroom. 

 

Wanda didn't question the marks on their bodies the next day or the way Natasha sat with one of her legs draped over James' during breakfast. She only smiled and asked them if they had a good night's sleep. She was a good kid. Vision, on the other hand, pointed out that what James had on his neck was a hickey before proceeding to explain, in full detail, what a hickey was.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't written smut in years so I'm sorry if it's awkward. But thank you so much for reading, giving kudos, and the comments. <3


End file.
